{Aisle Say by Candice}: What’s Your Marriage Recipe?

There are no more excuses in the 21st century for not being able to create and have the marriage you want. With greater equality and information available, the choice is now yours. You are the chef in the kitchen and can decide what ingredients you want to put into your marriage recipe.


Like most new relationships, it starts off spicy and delicious, you just can’t get enough. Over time, having the same dish repetitively becomes boring unless you add something different. They key is variation to keep it interesting. Often it is just that pinch of salt or sugar that can make all the difference just like the little gestures of love in your relationship that count and keep it together.


Photo credits: { www.elizabethannedesigns.com}

After several years together, you will need to work a bit harder to keep the flavours alive. Remember to experiment with your recipe and be spontaneous. Adding new herbs can spice it up and improve it for the better. Also take note of the quantities you are mixing together because ideally you want to create a wholesome, balanced meal.

Just like a refined whiskey or smooth red wine, so too will your marriage recipe get better with time.

You and your husband get to define and create the recipe of the marriage you want. Whether it is spicy, sweet, savoury or zesty…enjoy concocting your unique mixture that will bring you fulfilment.

M- Make quality time for each other
A- Always be committed & honest
R- Respect, trust & love openly
R- Remember the power of communication
I- Initiate fun and spontaneity
A- Appreciate and accept your differences
G- Gratitude for each day
E- Evolve and share your dreams

Contact Candice* at Live Love Dream and invest in a Pre-Marriage Course to ensure your Happily Ever After....

*With a Degree in Psychological Counselling, Candice Luck of Live Love Dream specialises in presenting fun, modern Pre-Marriage courses, that assists couples in building a marriage based on communication, transparency and connection.

{Aisle Say by Candice}: Quick A-Z Wedding Tips

A- Attitude: Keep a check on each other so that neither of you become the dreaded ‘Bridezilla’ or ‘Groomzilla’

B- Budget: It is good to have a guideline right from the start and stick to it if you want to avoid financial burdens.

C- Children: You must decide if you want these little people and if your venue is child-friendly. Arrange a play corner to keep them busy.

D- Dress: Don’t rush, try on a variety and choose the gown that compliments your curves. You want to look and feel like a princess but still be comfortable.

E- Eco-friendly: Be practical and support local shops/markets with your selection of food, flowers and décor. Select food and flowers that will be in season on your wedding date.

F- Family: Be prepared for a few upsets but remember that on the day everyone will get on just fine. Nobody has the perfect family.

G- Gifts: Modern bridal couples prefer to have money as they’ve already organised their ‘nest’. It is more accepted to mention this in the wedding invitation.

H- Honeymoon: Ensure you have valid visas/passports and find out if you need any special injections beforehand.

I- Invest: It’s worth the time and money to do a Pre-Marriage Course, it will enrich your relationship.

J- Jealousy: Be aware that this can flare up between your bridesmaids. Allocate tasks and put boundaries in place so that each lady knows what’s expected of her.

K- Kit: Be prepared for any little glitches by having a Bride and Groom emergency box with headache pills, safety pins, plasters, anti-bacterial cream etc.

L- Love: Take a step back from all the planning and stress to reflect on what this day is all about. Your wedding is a celebration of a special commitment to the love of your life.

M- Mother of the Bride: Your Mom wants to look and feel amazing for this special occasion. Give her (and Mom-in-law) guidelines with the colours and styles that will compliment your theme.

N- Numbers: Everything comes down to this and guests can be slack about RSVP’ing on time. Have a list/file so you can continuously keep track of your guests and budget.

O- Old traditions: They have got deep origins and no wedding is truly complete without them. You can create your own new traditions too.

P- Priest: Choose a minister/wedding celebrant that you know or who has been referred. It’s a special ceremony and would be impersonal to experience it with a stranger.

Q- Quest: There is a lot of pressure to make the wedding night spectacular. Talk about how you feel and what you would like to do, remembering you have a lifetime ahead together to explore.

R- Rings: The Bride’s ring is all about the sparkle and bling. The Groom’s ring must be durable and comfortable to wear while working, exercising etc.

S- Signed: Your wedding contracts should be sealed and done before you walk down the aisle. It can feel awkward.

T- Toasts: Ensure that all the right people are thanked and acknowledged. Modern Brides are also starting to say a little speech.

U- Union: You may be joining together to form a single unit but you are both unique individuals. Learn to embrace these differences and how it can strengthen your marriage.

V- Vows: more couples are choosing to write their own as it is more personalized and from the heart.

W- Wedding planner: Save yourself a lot of stress. They can get quotes, samples and meetings planned for you as well as keep a budget and timeline check.

X- X-treme weather: Always have a plan B. Our weather patterns are busy changing and with nature there is no guarantee.

Y- Your Bachelor/ette: Discuss the boundaries when it comes to the cost, where and how. You both want to have a fun time but also need to make safety a priority.

Z- Zest: Remember you put the ingredients into your marriage so you have to keep checking the recipe and sometimes you have add in a new spice or try something different.


Photo credits: {oncewed.com} {etsy.com} {moi-decor.blogspot.com} {weddingchicks.com}{moi-decor.blogspot.com} {revel-blog.com}

Contact Candice* at Live Love Dream and invest in a Pre-Marriage Course to ensure your Happily Ever After....

*With a Degree in Psychological Counselling, Candice Luck of Live Love Dream specialises in presenting fun, modern Pre-Marriage courses, that assists couples in building a marriage based on communication, transparency and connection.

{Aisle Say by Candice}: Opposites Attract

No matter how in love you are, the reality is that you are both unique and you are definitely going to have your differences. The aim is to not resist or try to convert one another but rather learn how to embrace, appreciate and allow these differences to compliment your relationship.

Now, we tend to assume that we know all our differences but to make sure you’re on the same page, here is a little exercise to do together. It clearly highlights some of the important aspects where your differences can cause possible problems. Generally, you will see how being opposite actually balances your relationship.

Together go down the list and make a mark against each issue where your preferences lie.

Example:
J = John and S = Sarah
Money: Spend S ________________________ J Save
Holidays: Adventure S J ________________________ Rest

Issue:
Money: Spend ________________________ Save
Holidays: Adventure ________________________ Rest
Sleeping: Stay up late ________________________ Get up early
Disagreements: Confront ________________________ Keep peace
Planning: Stick to plans ________________________ Flexible, change easily
Exercise: Active and regular ________________________ Chill and do little
Tidiness: Tidy and organised ________________________ Messy and relaxed
Decisions: Spontaneous ________________________ Cautious
Socially: Extrovert ________________________ Introvert
Change: Easy and enjoy ________________________ Difficult and resist

It is advised that you and your fiancé discuss the major differences that are revealed. How can you compromise and learn to not let these differences become triggers for future arguments? Being aware and thinking about solutions is an advantage that will create more harmony in your marriage.

Photo credits: {barbaraweddings.wordpress.com}

Contact Candice* at Live Love Dream and invest in a Pre-Marriage Course to ensure your Happily Ever After...

*With a Degree in Psychological Counselling, Candice Luck of Live Love Dream specialises in presenting fun, modern Pre-Marriage courses, that assists couples in building a marriage based on communication, transparency and connection.

{Aisle Say by Candice}: Going Green

An eco-friendly wedding involves your awareness and effort in reducing the impact of pollution and waste from your function. You can still have a modern, glamorous event that respects the Earth and has a unique charm that guests will remember forever.

This is how you can incorporate some earth-friendly ideas into your wedding:

Invitations: nowadays there is a lovely variety of recycled paper to choose from. Modern couples are also embracing technology and rather having their own unique wedding website, keeping it all online and saving many trees in the process.

Flowers: choose flowers that will be in full bloom and readily available on your wedding date. Remember that ‘local is lekker’ so order from a local supplier and preferably one who stocks home-grown blossoms.

Photo credit: {www.laurajanephotography.co.za}

Dress: do vintage… Re-use your Mom’s, Aunt’s or Gran’s wedding gown. You can re-style it by adding some lace, bows, ribbon or beads to create a completely new look. This is can be very special and sentimental.

Table décor: you can get creative with your centre-pieces by using different coloured wine bottles, recycled glass dishes, locally made weave baskets or funky cookie tins that can be used again for storage.

Food: many venues/caterers are choosing to go organic. Select vegetables and fruits that will naturally be in season and available, this will save some pennies too. You can also make a request that any left-over food must be given to a nearby shelter/charity/old –age home.

Gifts: ‘green’ wedding favours can be in the form of seeds, a herb plant or little bush that guests can re-plant in their garden. It’s a lovely symbol of how your new marriage will also grow and blossom.

Photo credit: {botanyfloralstudio.blogspot.com}

The number of earth-friendly products and services is definitely on the increase, making it more accessible for brides and grooms to do their ‘green bit’ by giving something back to nature on their special day.

Tip for Bride-to-be: If your wedding venue doesn’t recycle, make a plan with the groomsmen or friends who are willing to help organise the collection of wine bottles and tins from your function. It may seem like a mission, but it will be a great feeling to know that you’re making a difference.

Contact Candice* at Live Love Dream and invest in a Pre-Marriage Course to ensure your Happily Ever After...

*With a Degree in Psychological Counselling, Candice Luck of Live Love Dream specialises in presenting fun, modern Pre-Marriage courses, that assists couples in building a marriage based on communication, transparency and connection.

{Aisle Say by Candice}: After you say ‘I do’…

Now it's time for your ‘happy ever after’! The gauntlet has been laid down before you and your handsome ‘knight’ as your spectators now stand back to observe how the REALITY of marriage slowly creeps into your fairy tale. There is a huge difference between a wedding and a marriage and many couples feel a harsh shock as they crash back ‘down to earth’ after all the romantic enchantment.

Photo credit: {barbaraweddings.wordpress.com}

Your armour for this challenge is to be equipped with realistic EXPECTATIONS. We all have them but they lie dormant in our sub-conscious mind and then expose themselves in moments of anger or frustration. Many relationship books highlight that unmet expectations are the common denominator in many arguments.

To increase your chances, you need to define and explore your assumptions about one another and what you intend for your marriage together. For example: If your partner really doesn’t want to have children but you’re just ‘hoping’ they will change their mind after the wedding. Making presumptions is a big mistake and important factors (like having children) must be clarified before you walk down the aisle.

You should have your ideals and GOALS lined up because this will determine a happier forecast for your marriage. Along with respect, love and good communication, this becomes part of the foundation for a strong partnership. Happy unions also require individual and joint goals, spontaneity, fun and wonderful experiences and achievements to look forward to. These all form the glue that will keep you together and get you through the rewarding quest of marriage.

Tip for the Bride-to-be: A Pre-Marriage Course is the perfect platform to discuss, share and learn about many relevant topics. You and your Fiancé will gain the knowledge and skills you need to create the successful, happy marriage that you want. If you missed out on this beneficial opportunity, it is not too late to complete the course as newly-weds. We all deserve a ‘happy ever after’!

Contact Candice* at Live Love Dream and invest in a Pre-Marriage Course to ensure your Happily Ever After....

*With a Degree in Psychological Counselling, Candice Luck of Live Love Dream specialises in presenting fun, modern Pre-Marriage courses, that assists couples in building a marriage based on communication, transparency and connection.

{Aisle Say by Candice:} Has eloping crossed your mind?

It seems like a tempting option for the frazzled bridal couple who experience high levels of anxiety, planning nightmares, family dilemmas and huge expenses that lead up to their ‘big white wedding.’ Second-time brides will honestly admit that they ‘would never do it all over again!’ and don’t hesitate with the option of eloping. Along with all the movie stars and rock stars who seem to have made it the norm.

Photo credit: {stylemepretty.com}

To elope, literally means ‘to run away and not return to the point of origin.’ Linked to marriage, it means to run away with one’s lover in order to get married in secret and usually without the consent or knowledge of parents. Modern couples always add a new twist, and today the term is used to infer that the bridal couple are having a small celebration without any guests present and often in an exotic location away from home.

Consider it if…
- You like the idea of saving money
- You don’t want the extra stress and anxiety
- You want to avoid family dilemmas
- You have a thrill for adventure
- You are a more private couple

Definitely not if…
- You are doing it to prove a point or go against your parent’s wishes
- You don’t want to miss out on all the wedding gifts
- You want to have your ‘princess moment’ and experience the spotlight for one day
- You don’t want to forfeit the memories shared with family & friends
- You’ve got any doubts or regrets about your partner

So, if you are going to elope make sure that you are both doing it for the right reasons! It is reassuring to know that it's more accepted nowadays, with many guests favouring the practical option of saving money. You and your Fiancé are responsible for your actions and choices, remember to do what makes you happy!

Tip for the Bride-to-be: Consider making a promise to each other, the family and friends that you’ll have an awesome 1-year wedding anniversary party instead!

Contact Candice* at Live Love Dream and invest in a Pre-Marriage Course to ensure your Happily Ever After....

*With a Degree in Psychological Counselling, Candice Luck of Live Love Dream specialises in presenting fun, modern Pre-Marriage courses, that assists couples in building a marriage based on communication, transparency and connection.

{Aisle Say by Candice:} Watch Out For These Pre-wedding Mistakes

Today’s bride lives in a fast paced world where time flies by and there's always something on the to-do-list. Now add the excitement, nerves and hype around planning the big wedding day and it's easy to understand that some things can fall through the cracks or simply catch up with the bewildered bride.

Here are some of those silly mistakes to look out for:
Choosing vendors in a rush – Do some research and take time in choosing your wedding suppliers. Go visit them personally, see the samples, taste the food and get an overall experience of the service and quality. Referrals from friends or family can be reassuring but might not be your style. Remember you and your fiancé must be happy with your final choices!

Organising your dress too late - Get your dress at least 3 months before your wedding date. Yes, you want to be slim and trim before you purchase your bridal gown but there can be unforeseen delays especially if you are importing your dress or having it made by hand. The same applies to your bridesmaids dresses.

Guessing games with guests - Make sure your venue can seat the number of guests you are inviting. Don’t assume or ‘hold thumbs’ that the distant cousins from America or Aunt Agnes are not going to attend. They just might just surprise you and then you’ve got a problem. You also need to be strict with the RSVP’s because it will affect your budget and the catering plans.

Last minute beauty treatments – If you want a tan then you’ve got to plan! Do a trial of sun-bed or spray-tan session at least 3 months before so that you can see the effect and what will work best for your skin. New lotions and potions can cause an allergic reaction so avoid starting any new beauty products in the month before your wedding day.

Missing out on Pre-Marriage coaching - There is no strict rule as to when you have to do this but it makes sense to get it done in advance and ticked off the long to-do-list. Any time after your engagement is good and it is a great investment in your marriage. You will also gain communication skills on the course that will definitely come in handy with all the planning and decision making.

Contact Candice* at Live Love Dream and invest in a Pre-Marriage Course to ensure your Happily Ever After...

*With a Degree in Psychological Counselling, Candice Luck of Live Love Dream specialises in presenting fun, modern Pre-Marriage courses, that assists couples in building a marriage based on communication, transparency and connection.

{Aisle Say by Candice}: Groomzilla - a new kind of wedding tyrant

You will be familiar with the term 'bridezilla' which is used to describe brides-to-be who become impossible and determined to have the perfect wedding at whatever the cost. Now we have to make way for her partner, Groomzilla. This is a modern epidemic of bossy and stressed out grooms.

What is it? A heterosexual man who is over-involved in planning the wedding day and obsesses about all the small details that were once strictly the bride’s task.
The reason? Men are now making their marriage commitments a lot later and with more life experience tucked ‘under their belts’ they have had time to develop their own acquired tastes and dislikes.

Fingers also point to the wedding industry media who are now focussing a lot more attention on the groom. After all, brides have already been ‘sold’ on this fairy-tale event. Grooms are also contributing more financially and want more of a say in what happens with their investment.

The 21st century male has been shaped by society into changing his thinking when it comes to his self-image. These men feel no shame in going for regular waxes, eyebrow shaping, pedicures and hair treatments. Women have yearned for this ‘new-age’ man but where do we draw the line? I would say when you start booking liposuction and botox treatments together!

The symptoms?
- Your handsome prince charming becomes unreasonably demanding
- He throws temper tantrums with the wedding planner
- You see his internet history list is all wedding sites
- He is triple-checking all the plans that you make
- He wants his bling to be as flashy as yours
- He is considering slimming treatments to lose weight for the big day
- His competitive streak is interfering within all aspect of your relationship

How to approach it? Communication and honesty are always good to start with. Have a discussion with your Fiancé about delegating tasks, finances and clearly defining who is responsible for what. Also create a fun trigger word that will be used to snap each other out of groomzilla or bridezilla moods before it sucks you both in. Lastly, remember that planning a wedding together is an excellent coaching exercise because marriage is all about compromise!

Tip for the Bride-to-be: Get your Fiancé to plan a ‘boys night’ with his close friends. This will re-charge his masculinity and his mates will definitely sort him out!

Photo credits: {barbaraweddings.wordpress.com}

Contact Candice* at Live Love Dream and invest in a Pre-Marriage Course to ensure your Happily Ever After... *With a Degree in Psychological Counselling, Candice Luck of Live Love Dream specialises in presenting fun, modern Pre-Marriage courses, that assists couples in building a marriage based on communication, transparency and connection.

{Aisle Say by Candice}: How to keep the romantic buzz after the honeymoon

Every bridal couple looks forward to their romantic honeymoon after the big day. After all, it's the first holiday that they will spend together as husband and wife. Most of us can imagine the candle-light dinners, lavish food, luxurious hotel rooms, long walks together and lots of “sleep”. Everything on the honeymoon is amplified to seem more magical but sadly not sustainable.

Photo credits:{honeymoonguide.wordpress.com}

The Oxford English Dictionary indicates that while today honeymoon has a positive meaning, the word was originally a reference to the inevitable waning of love like a phase of the moon.

So how do the newly-weds keep that romantic spark alive after they return home and they have to face the reality of work, house chores and groceries…

Key points on how to keep the romantic buzz:

Variation: it is so easy to settle into a routine and that’s when boredom strikes. To keep spontaneity and the element of excitement alive, couples must vary the time, place and atmosphere when it comes to the bedroom arena.
Communication: couples who engage in regular and open discussions about their sexual enjoyment and differences are better able to understand and each other and deepen their intimacy.
Anticipation: using words and body language throughout the day as foreplay after all ‘sex begins at breakfast’*. Be creative and send a sexy sms during the day to let your partner know that you’re thinking of them or treat each other to a relaxing neck rub when you get home. All this enhances the sacred connection between partners.
Date Nights: it may be a cliché but these are great for setting aside quality time to spend together. Partners should take turns in planning the date night so that there is fun variation, you don’t want to go to the same Italian restaurant every month. Go to the theatre, a comedy show, wine-tasting or dancing, do things that you enjoy together.

Remember you have a lifetime ahead to share, explore and have fun so the sky is the limit, got for it!

*Quote taken from The Marriage Book by Nicky and Sila Lee

Contact Candice* at Live Love Dream and invest in a Pre-Marriage Course to ensure your Happily Ever After...

*With a Degree in Psychological Counselling, Candice Luck of Live Love Dream specialises in presenting fun, modern Pre-Marriage courses, that assists couples in building a marriage based on communication, transparency and connection.

{Aisle Say by Candice}: Wedding Planners to the rescue

Modern couples of today who are coping with their busy lifestyles and careers have the choice to call on the services of a wedding planner to take care of all the extra stress involved in planning their special day. Although, this is mostly a sensible and affordable option, many brides still argue that it is too expensive and they would rather be ‘hands on’ in planning their fairy-tale wedding. Some brides see wedding planners as more interfering than being supportive. These brides must remember that they will always get the final say in the decision making process. Besides, they can choose the level of involvement and support they will want from their wedding planner: full consulting, partial consulting, or “day of” coordination.

Photo credit:{weddingplannerpro.com}

How can wedding planners help you?

Eliminate stress: as a bride, you may feel overwhelmed with all you have to do and often don’t know where to begin. With their professional organizational skills they will help you every step of the way and keep track of all your service providers.

Save money: planners have established good relationships with wedding vendors/suppliers and can often negotiate better pricing for the bridal couple. They can also help you to stay within your budget.

Knowledge: their experience and expertise in the wedding industry will give you reassurance.

Style/Design: planners will get an idea of your personal taste and style and guide you to create a unique and memorable wedding that reflects both you and your groom.

Support: they can play mediator and peace-maker. One of their roles is to be efficient in understanding your needs and be able to explain or discuss with the different/relevant parties.

Here are some key questions that you should ask before hiring your wedding planner:
• How long have you been in business?
• How many weddings do you handle per weekend?
• What are your fees? (Hourly? Flat fee? Percentage?)
• What is included in your package?
• Do you have photos of any recent weddings you have planned?

If I had to do it all over again I would definitely choose to have a wedding planner. The always seem to be an asset and often are worth every penny.

Tip for the Bride-to-be: Like any vendor, you must have a clear contract with your wedding planner that spells out their duties, costs and expenses, deposits and payment schedules. Contact Candice* at Live Love Dream and invest in a Pre-Marriage Course to ensure your Happily Ever After...

*With a Degree in Psychological Counselling, Candice Luck of Live Love Dream specialises in presenting fun, modern Pre-Marriage courses, that assists couples in building a marriage based on communication, transparency and connection.

(Aisle Say by Candice}: The Father-of-the-bride

From Daddy’s girl to blushing Bride…It can be a mildly traumatic time for your Dad who has to accept the realisation that he has lost his little girl to the man of her dreams. Your trusted Father (aka: ‘The Wedding Fund’) has some important tasks to fulfil on your special day besides the financial contribution that will make your wedding day possible.

Dad’s Role in Pre-Wedding Planning
The Budget: While every father wants to give his daughter the wedding of her dreams, realistically, he has to keep a watchful eye on the unfolding plans. A Dad needs to be upfront with his daughter about what he is able to afford, being flexible and making compromises will help both sides of the equation.

The Support: Dads tend to just go with the flow and stay calm. Mostly, they can be relied on for objective and reassuring advice amongst all the chaos and stress that clouds the planning process. Dads should also be aware that their patience will be tested as they will have the tricky task of keeping the Mother-of-the-bride happy and de-stressed.

At the Wedding Reception:
The Speech: This tends to be the highlight or dreaded nightmare of a father's involvement in the wedding. A Dad should prepare his speech in advance and practice many times so that memory will override nerves on the big day. He should be complimentary in his speech, make good eye contact whilst saying it, add a little humour and share good wishes on the bridal couple.

The Dance: Dads and daughters should spend some time together in choosing a special and memorable song that captures and symbolises their relationship. Songs should be kept short, a 6 minute ballade can make everyone bored and restless.

Following the wedding, your Dad now has to embrace his new role as Father-in-law. However, don’t expect your Dad and husband to start calling each other by anything but their first names (I think it’s written in the ‘guy code’ somewhere). That aside, as the beautiful bride, you now have 2 special men in your life that want to cherish and protect you!

Tip for the Bride-to-be: Once you are married and living your own life, make a promise to yourself and your Dad that you will always find time to have some one-on-one quality time together. After all, a Dad’s love is one-of-kind and irreplaceable.

Photo credits: {barbaraweddings.wordpress.com}

Contact Candice* at Live Love Dream and invest in a Pre-Marriage Course to ensure your Happily Ever After...

*With a Degree in Psychological Counselling, Candice Luck of Live Love Dream specialises in presenting fun, modern Pre-Marriage courses, that assists couples in building a marriage based on communication, transparency and connection.

{Aisle Say by Candice}:Have you learnt your ANC…?

Antenuptial Contracts (ANC) stirs up a range of uncomfortable feelings for most bridal couples. Couples are often swept away in the romance of their special day and the last think they want to think about is the possibility of divorce - after all, contracts don’t appear in any fairytale. Realistically, couples need to remember that marriage is a binding legal agreement. It does feel awkward to be drawing up a contract in case of divorce when you haven’t even walked down the aisle. Your marriage contract has implications that go beyond divorce and it affects how your married life is governed.

In terms of South African law, a couple has 3 legal choices when getting married:
1. In community of property
2. Out of community of property including accrual
3. Out of community of property excluding accrual

In Community of Property:
• All assets and liabilities are pooled and shared equally, irrespective of whether such assets were acquired before or during marriage, unless expressly excluded by a donor or testator.
• All profits whether generated by the husband or wife are shared equally. The same applies to all losses/liabilities.
• The husband and wife now have joint control over their marriage estate. Any contract entered into by one spouse automatically includes the other spouse.
• Marriages in community of property are governed by our common law and if no Antenuptial Contract has been signed, then couples are automatically deemed to have been married in community of property.

Antenuptial Contract: Out of community of property including accrual:
• The accrual system was initially introduced to protect women who earned less than their spouses while married. Today the accrual system protects both parties.
• It is the sharing of growth in the spouses’ assets during the marriage. Each spouse has to declare the value of their own estate in this ANC at the beginning of their marriage.
• The growth in the assets accumulated by both spouses during the marriage must automatically be divided equally when the marriage end on death or divorce.
• This means that the spouse who earns less will still be entitled to half of the shared estate from the date of marriage to the date of divorce.

Ante nuptial Contract: Out of community of property excluding accrual:
• An ante nuptial contract or ANC means that you are married out of community of property, which is concluded by both parties before their marriage.
• Each spouse retains his or her own assets and liabilities whether they have been acquired before or during marriage.
• There is no sharing of profits and losses. Both spouses have full and independent contractual capacity when one spouse enters into a contract it automatically excludes the other.
• Upon death or divorce, each spouse keeps control over their own assets.
• If the marriage occurred after 1988 - the contract has to specifically exclude the system of accrual. In the absence of this exclusion the rules of accrual will automatically apply.

Tip for the Bride-To-Be: Get your marriage contract done early and tick it off the list so that you can enjoy planning the rest of your wedding without this looming over your head.

For professional assistance in getting your marriage contract drawn up, contact BBM Law via their website www.bbmlaw.co.za or call their Rosebank branch on 011-628-9300.

Photo credits: {barbaraweddings.wordpress.com}

Contact Candice* at Live Love Dream and invest in a Pre-Marriage Course to ensure your Happily Ever After...

*With a Degree in Psychological Counselling, Candice Luck of Live Love Dream specialises in presenting fun, modern Pre-Marriage courses, that assists couples in building a marriage based on communication, transparency and connection.

{Aisle Say by Candice}: Fusion Weddings - A Cultural Affair

You’ve heard about fusion food. It combines foods from different cultures to create a unique cuisine that is delightful and different. Now, we need to apply the same approach when mixing aspects from two different cultures to create a tastefully diverse wedding celebration, that respects the heritage of both Bride and Groom.

Some might tell you that the only option is to have two weddings. However, with the cost and stress of planning one wedding it would be more advantageous to put your thinking caps on and create one special day that beautifully meshes both cultures into one ceremony.

Firstly, you and your Fiancé need to have an open discussion and get clarity from each other as to which traditions must definitely be incorporated and which ones you and/or the family are willing to omit. Remember, that ultimately you two have the final say as it's your day after all.

Here are some fusion tips:

Invitations: Use a balanced mix of both your languages on the invitations or you can add a special saying or quote from each family’s tradition.

Venue: Choose a park, hall or country club that is neutral to both families.

Ceremony: You can consider having two different religious figures to conduct your ceremony or have a translator. This ensures that all your guests get to hear special parts of your ceremony. Beware of long ceremonies as they make for restless guests.

Vows: Recite your vows in your native language so that both your families will understand and feel included in these important words of promise and commitment.

Food: The most practical solution would be to have two separate buffet stations catering to both cultures, this allows guests to see the whole variety and pick what they would like to eat. Find a qualified caterer to help you create the perfect pallet for your reception.

Décor: Utilize colours and flowers that will highlight and showcase the best of both cultures. Asian weddings tend to use dark red and gold, while African weddings prefer a mix of greens, yellows and browns. You may like to combine elements of tradition in the centrepieces displayed on the tables.

Music & Dancing: Both play an integral role in many cultural affairs and capture the spirit of the event. Select popular songs and dances that will get all the guests into the mood for the festivities. Adding some traditional entertainment like drumming or a fire circle can add another unique element. The dance floor is a free zone where any age, culture or language can simply mingle and have fun.

However you and your Groom decide to fuse and merge your different traditions, you will find a way to pay tribute to both of your cultures. In this way you will ensure that your diverse group of guests will all be included in the celebration of your union. They will enjoy a one-of-a-kind wedding that they will remember forever.
Photo credits:{barbaraweddings.wordpress.com}

Contact Candice* at Live Love Dream and invest in a Pre-Marriage Course to ensure your Happily Ever After...

*With a Degree in Psychological Counselling, Candice Luck of Live Love Dream specialises in presenting fun, modern Pre-Marriage courses, that assists couples in building a marriage based on communication, transparency and connection.

{Aisle Say by Candice}: The Husband Checklist

As modern women of the world we want the whole package, especially when it comes to a husband. We’re no longer complacent and satisfied with a mere ‘provider’. We want our man to be sensitive, an excellent cook, intimate, emotionally open, financially successful, an energetic Father-to-be and our best companion.

As a Bride-to-be I want you to think back to your giggling, blushing teenage days and recall if you ever made a Husband wish list…? Come on, I know you wrote it down somewhere. Well, it would be interesting to look back and make a comparison with your now fiancé. As a teenager, our world’s view and life experiences are limited, so our list is often unrealistic. There are also way too many Hollywood fairy tale influences that in fact set us up for disappointment in our adult life.

But now that you’ve got a few more years of maturity under your belt, you’ve probably chosen a man with very few ticks on your original wish list. That’s okay. Whether you’ve chosen a Mr Good Guy, Mr Reliable, Mr Gorgeous, Mr Nerd or Mr Bad Boy, I’m sure you’ve found the right match for you.

Here is my breakdown of the realistic core aspects of most successful Husbands:

H- Has values & morals that align with yours
U- Unconditional love & respect for you and family
S- Strives to be a better man in all that he does
B- Builds a successful career
A- Aims to make you happy
N- Negotiates when you argue or make decisions
D- Dreams of the future with you

Now, ladies please don’t get your veil in a twist if your husband-to-be doesn’t match up to every single criteria, although, I’m sure he has most of them and that’s why you said, ‘yes’. Remember, we are all unique individuals with our own strengths and weaknesses and no two relationships are ever the same. What counts, is that you have found a partner to experience life with and grow together through the ups and downs. As long as he is Mr Right for you and makes you happy then that is all that matters.

Photo credits: {barbaraweddings.wordpress.com}

Tip for the Bride-to-be: Accept right now that you will never be able to ‘fix’ your Husband! It is only with time, unconditional love and respect that many Husbands make the transformation themselves. The following quote captures this essence: “A wife’s compassion can bring more healing to a man’s heart than any amount of money or medicine.” ~ Anon

Contact Candice* at Live Love Dream and invest in a Pre-Marriage Course to ensure your Happily Ever After...

*With a Degree in Psychological Counselling, Candice Luck of Live Love Dream specialises in presenting fun, modern Pre-Marriage courses, that assists couples in building a marriage based on communication, transparency and connection.

{Aisle Say by Candice}: What about your MOB? (Mother of the Bride)

Your Mother has been with you through all the ups and downs in your life! Now that you’re all grown up and about to become a wife, the role of your Mom is invaluable. She is your ‘magic well’ of support and reassurance during the exciting and stressful planning of your wedding day.

Traditionally, the responsibility of the MOB was to plan her daughter’s entire wedding day. The saying ‘mothers know best’ was the first rule. The modern day MOB generally takes more of a backseat. The independent women of today are generally getting married later in life and have their own ideas of what is best. Even so, the MOB of today have become a trustworthy right hand to the Bride who allocate tasks in the planning of the wedding day.

The MOB’s main responsibilities:

• The Dress: a special task that bonds a mother and daughter is the choosing of your beautiful gown that will transform you from her little girl into an exquisite Bride.

• Wedding reception venue: this will take some perseverance as there are many stunning venues to choose from these days but your Mom can keep you level-headed, suggest pros and cons and share with you her wisdom to help you choose a spot swiftly.

• The Budget: if you are lucky, your parents will be contributing a fair amount to your special day, so it’s important to constantly keep your Mom informed of costs so that she can assist with fair budget ‘management’.

• The Elegant hostess: this is also a day for your Mom to shine in this role. She is to greet guests, mingle and make sure everyone is happy and having a good time - a very familiar role for her.

Tips for your MOB’s dress:

• Style: she should keep cleavage and skin to a minimum even if it's her normal flare. A mid-length or long dress with a jacket is very classy or a tailored pant suit can be worn if more comfortable.

• Colour: white, ivory or champagne choices are frowned upon. Rather look at shades of blue, pink, green or lavender that will enhance your Mom’s natural beauty. Don’t select a colour that is too similar to the bridesmaids.

• Compliment: make sure that both Mothers in the bridal party share and discuss their outfits so as to avoid any duplication or clashing. They don’t have to match but their outfits should blend beautifully in the wedding photographs. Can you picture a burnt orange and soft pink duo- rather tacky and not something you will want to frame!

Keep your bridesmaids close but your Mom even closer as she will be your infinite source of strength, patience, honesty and unconditional love. She is irreplaceable and planning your wedding is a very memorable chapter for both of you.

Tip for the Bride-to-be: After the big day spoil your Mom to a day spa voucher or a special gift that will show your appreciation for all the help, hours of listening and support she gives you.

Contact Candice* at Live Love Dream and invest in a Pre-Marriage Course to ensure your Happily Ever After...

*With a Degree in Psychological Counselling, Candice Luck of Live Love Dream specialises in presenting fun, modern Pre-Marriage courses, that assists couples in building a marriage based on communication, transparency and connection. Photo credits: {barbaraweddings.wordpress.com}

{Aisle Say by Candice}: The origin of wedding traditions

When the wedding day arrives, many Bridal couples become unknowingly superstitious. There’s a certain comfort and reassurance we get from these rituals. No bride or groom will dare take the chance of seeing their fiancé before walking down the aisle. And let’s not forget the Something Old, Something New, Something Borrowed & Something Blue for extra good luck!

Many couples incorporate “traditions” into their ceremony and reception. It's interesting to look into the history and significance of these quaint acts that have always been seen to bestow protection, good luck and fertility on the happy couple.

Here are a few of the most popular:

THE BOUQUET

In Shakespearean times, women carried aromatic bunches of herbs and flowers to mask the pungent smell of body odour in the stuffy churches as bathing only occurred sporadically. Other bouquets consisted of garlic, herbs and grains that were to drive evil spirits away. Over time, the prettier scent and look of flowers became more popular, thank goodness for us today! Specific flowers have special meanings in many cultures, often symbolizing happiness and everlasting love. In Hawaii & India both the bride and groom are adorned with blossoms. There are many books containing glossaries with the significance of every flower so be sure to consult one when planning your bouquet.

CONFETTI

It may seem like quite a waste but it was an ancient fertility rite where handfuls of grain or nuts were traditionally thrown onto the wedding couple because they are 'life-giving' seeds. In some European countries, eggs were thrown instead. You can be glad that you don’t have to have eggs splattered on your R20 000 wedding dress- Eeek! Some modern day equivalents of this tradition is throwing rose petals or blowing bubbles from soapy scented bottles as the couple leaves the chapel.

WHITE BRIDAL GOWN
Until the 1900’s, Brides hardly ever bought a special wedding dress and would wear their best outfit instead. These poor ladies never got to feel like a ‘princess’ for a day. White Dresses were made popular by Queen Victoria, who broke the tradition of royals marrying in Silver. Symbolising purity and virginity, white was also thought to ward off evil spirits. Another tradition is that the bride should never try on the entire bridal outfit before the day as this could be seen to ‘jinx’ the wedding celebration.

BRIDESMAIDS
For many decades, bridesmaids wore similar dresses to the Bride. This tradition began as a form of protection against evil rather than for purposes of uniformity. The Bride would blend in and this would trick evil spirits or jealous suitors who may have wanted to harm the Bride.

BEST MAN
The tradition of a "best man" probably began when it was customary and preferable for eligible bachelors to seek out and capture their Bride-to-be. The Groom-to-be would choose a strong, reliable man who would assist and help fight off any opposition. The best man was also responsible for safe guarding the wedding rings. Nowadays, ring bearers range from teeny toddlers to the family pet.

THE CAKE

In ancient times, the breaking of bread was done as part of a fertility ceremony. Some cultures during fugal times, every member of the community or village would get a piece of the wedding cake to ensure good luck, even if it was only a crumb. Single ladies would sleep with a piece under their pillow which was seen to bring them dreams of their future husbands.

GARTER TOSS
One of the oldest wedding rituals comes from the ancient custom of witnesses to the marriage bed who were assigned this duty to ensure that the couple consummated their marriage. The marriage was only valid and legally binding until after it had been consummated. The witnesses would bring forth the garter as a sign of the witnessing. You can imagine what a violation of privacy this was and eventually a very wise and determined bride insisted that the groom throw it into the crowd to prove consummation.

Over The Threshold
Generations ago it was considered lady-like for the new bride to appear hesitant at "giving herself" to her new husband, whether she was or not. At the threshold to the bridal chamber, the husband would often have to carry the bride over to encourage her to go in. During the days of "Marriage by Capture," brides were certainly not going to stroll peacefully into the groom's abode and would normally be putting up a fight to protect her virtue, so often she had to be dragged or carried across the threshold.

Tip for the Bride-to-be: Incorporating some of these rituals on your wedding day will offer you a way of honouring all brides before you and add some extra fun.

Photo credits: {barbaraweddings.wordpress.com}

Sources: {www.weddings.co.uk} {www.brideandgroom.com}{www.pibweddings.com}{ wikipedia.org}

Contact Candice* at Live Love Dream and invest in a Pre-Marriage Course to ensure your Happily Ever After...

*With a Degree in Psychological Counselling, Candice Luck of Live Love Dream specialises in presenting fun, modern Pre-Marriage courses, that assists couples in building a marriage based on communication, transparency and connection.

{Aisle Say by Candice}: Good Guest Guide

That’s right! Your guests are an essential part of what makes your wedding day extra special! As Bride and Groom, you’ve plenty of regulations and strict plans to follow to ensure your dream wedding unfolds perfectly. You definitely don’t need your guests adding to your stress!

Photo credit: {barbaraweddings.wordpress.com}

We’ve all seen those hilarious YouTube clips of wedding guests, that after a few too many, perform acrobatic dance moves that end up with tables, the cake or flowers sprawling out all over. Or the merry guest who gets a hold of the microphone and confesses true (but humiliating) stories from way back when. You can avoid any unruly guests spoiling this memorable occasion by passing on this informative article that will advise your guests on how to be on their best behaviour.

Top 10 Guest Tips for the Bride-to-be

The following are a list of polite requirements that you should be able to expect from your guests:

1. A Prompt RSVP
All the wedding plans and budgets are dependent on the number of guests attending. Waiting for replies is one of the most annoying issues for the bridal couple.

2. Guests should not ask for a ‘plus 1’
That means that guests cannot assume that their new partner of 2 months will automatically be invited. If the invite doesn’t specifically say, ‘James & Partner’ then you have to fly solo.

3. Arrive early
It's very rude to be late for the ceremony so guests should leave at least 15 minutes spare in case they have trouble with directions or get lost. Guests should not choose to skip the ceremony and just attend the reception, this is not only rude but also inconsiderate.

4. Keep drinking under control
It may be an open-bar but guests remain realistic and respect that there is a limit. There is a wide range of ages attending such an occasion so keep your dignity intact.

5. Suitable attire should be worn
Please NO white. There are NO excuses! There are all the other colours in the rainbow to choose from. The invitation will indicate whether it is more formal or informal.

6. Switching tables is not allowed
The Bride & Groom spend several hours planning and arranging the tables in relation to family and who will get on well with each other, so no playing musical chairs.

7. Guests must buy from the registry
This guarantees that the Bridal couple will be gifted with something that they definitely want/need. The only alternative to this is money bridal couples can always use this.

8. Giving a gift even if a guest is unable to attend
It is courtesy for those who are invited, who cannot attend the wedding, still send/give the bridal couple a gift.

9. It is a courtesy to stay until the cake is cut
This is usually the signal for the older folk that they can now leave and if need be can be a cue for any other guest who would also like to leave.

10. Guests must not publish any wedding photos
With social media buzzing around us all the time, guests should have the sensitivity not to upload photos to Facebook and steal the Bride & Groom’s sharing the magic of their own special moments after becoming Mr & Mrs.

You still want your guests to feel relaxed and enjoy the day but these tips are good reminders that can help avoid any unnecessary issues. Be wise on your choice of guests too, you ideally want only those people that support you and your Groom and are excited to share your happy event.

Contact Candice* at Live Love Dream and invest in a Pre-Marriage Course to ensure your Happily Ever After...

*With a Degree in Psychological Counselling, Candice Luck of Live Love Dream specialises in presenting fun, modern Pre-Marriage courses, that assists couples in building a marriage based on communication, transparency and connection.

{Aisle Say by Candice}: Pennies Instead of Pressies

Once upon a time newly wed couples relied on wedding gifts from their guests to set up their cosy nest. Recent bridal surveys reveal that 60% of modern couples now ask for money instead. While seemingly boring and uncreative, it's actually one of the most appreciated and practical gifts. Let’s face it, there is not a single person who has ever tried to return money.

Photo credit: {agnieszka-scrappassion.blogspot.com}

Most guests are relieved and happy to be able to give cash instead of searching for the ‘right’ gift. Money is what will truly help the bride and groom instead of duplicate items that will gather dust in a cupboard. It's a common courtesy to let your guests know what the ‘moola’ will be spent on so they feel that they've contributed towards a specific item: Your honeymoon, a dishwasher, a new lounge suite, a king size bed etc.

Photo credit: {agnieszka-scrappassion.blogspot.com}

A good way to ask for your pennies without offending anyone is to find a little verse/poem that suits you as a couple and can get your request across in a polite way, for example:

Conservative: "As we already have a lot of household items, we hope you won't mind us asking for money instead of traditional wedding gifts. We're planning to spend the money on..."

Thoughtful: "If you were thinking of giving a gift, to help us on our way. A gift of cash towards our house, would really make our day. However, if you prefer to purchase a gift, feel free to surprise us in your own way."

Humorous: "Because at first we lived in sin, we've got the sheets and a rubbish bin. A gift from you would be swell, but we'd prefer a donation to our Wishing Well!!"

Clever: "To save you looking, shopping or buying. Here is an idea, we hope you like trying. Come to our wedding, to wish us both well. And bring this small sack, to throw in our wishing well. Fill it with paper all colours will do, gold is our favourite but silver will do. Now that we have saved you, all that fuss. We hope you will come, and celebrate with us."

Photo credit: {moidecor.co.za}

At the wedding you will need to organise a designated place where guests can leave their gift of money. Here are a few ideas:

A money tree: guests can clip their envelopes onto a tree representation. It can look very effective and be a lovely symbol of growth. Watch out though for the risk of theft.

A birdcage: can be easily hired and beautifully decorated with ribbons, flowers and hearts, and is a safer option.

A gift box: made from strong cardboard or light ply wood, it can be painted to match your wedding colours and is very practical!

In the Greek and Polish cultures, it's customary to pin money to the Bride’s dress during what they call the ‘money dance’. This is a great idea, so why not start a new tradition for yourself? Either way you view it, money is always well received and there will always be a need for it.

Tip for the Bride-to-be: There will still be some people that don’t like to give money as a gift. Therefore, it's a good idea to set-up a small gift registry for some practical items or décor pieces that you would like for those who choose this option.

Contact Candice* at Live Love Dream and invest in a Pre-Marriage Course to ensure your Happily Ever After...

*With a Degree in Psychological Counselling, Candice Luck of Live Love Dream specialises in presenting fun, modern Pre-Marriage courses, that assists couples in building a marriage based on communication, transparency and connection

{Aisle Say by Candice}: Wedding Day Emergency Kit

You have spent months planning your special day, not to mention the heaps of money you’ve spent, so you want to be equipped for any little glitch or nuisances that can arise at or before the wedding. Make sure you fill your kit with all those oh-so-useful things that will ‘save the day’.

Photo credit: {ohhappyday.com}

Bride-essentials:
Clear nail polish…for any stocking snags
Perfume…choose a special fragrance to match your day
Super-glue…for a nail, heel of a shoe or any bow that needs to stay in place
Herbal Rescue Remedy drops…soothes the nerves naturally
Drinking straws…avoid smudging your lipstick and still keep hydrated
Hand lotion…to keep your pretty hands moisturised
Ipod/MP3…with favourite tunes to relax you while getting ready
Lip gloss…will need to reapply often between all the photos and celebration kisses
Chocolates/snacks…sweeten up your special day and give you an energy boost
Tampons…nature can sneak up on you especially when you’re wearing white

Groom-essentials:
Socks...to make sure there are no excuses for ‘cold feet‘
Hip flask ...little sips to calm his nerves
Mints...to ensure a fresh kiss
Note pad & pen…to write down any last minute speech changes
Stress ball…a little distraction to pass time
Biltong…a small manly snack for him to enjoy
Extra shirt buttons…in haste he might be a bit more forceful
Cologne…he can smell as wonderful as he looks

General items:

Toothbrush, Toothpaste, Dental Floss, Headache Tablets, Antacid, Eye Drops, Band-Aids, Facial Tissues, Deodorant, Emery Board, Nail Clipper, Adhesive Bandages, Antiseptic Cream, Hair Brush, Hair Spray, Hair Pins, Mirror (small) Lint Remover, Mending Kit, Scissors, Safety Pins, Stain Remover, Static Remover, Double-Sided Hem Tape, Corsage Pins, Sticky Tape, Matches, Tweezers, Sunscreen, Umbrella, Wedding Day Schedule and List of Important Contact Numbers!

Wherever you are, your wedding kit should be within arm's reach. Usually the Bridesmaid is allocated the responsibility of moving and monitoring it. It can be kept under the front pew at the ceremony, in your room at the reception hall, or even under the main table.

Just in case ‘murphy’s law’ isn’t on your side on your wedding day, you’ll be equipped to dodge any curve balls swiftly and easily. Most of these goodies won’t go to waste either as they will definitely come in handy on your honeymoon too.

Tip for Bride-to-be: If you do not want to ‘throw’ your own special garter then add a spare garter into your kit for the traditional toss.

Contact Candice* at Live Love Dream and invest in a Pre-Marriage Course to ensure your Happily Ever After...

*With a Degree in Psychological Counselling, Candice Luck of Live Love Dream specialises in presenting fun, modern Pre-Marriage courses, that assists couples in building a marriage based on communication, transparency and connection

{Aisle Say by Candice}: Let the games begin - Guest lists & Seating plans

Guest lists and seating plans are the two planning issues that always seem to cause conflict. This is true for any wedding couple no matter how compatible they are. Understandably so, because the Bride & Groom are trying to keep a multitude of people happy.

The guest list is one of the first important tasks to tackle, as it’ll determine the size of the venue you’ll need and obviously the impact on your budget. You want to spend your pennies on the people that mean the most to you on your wedding day. However, it’s a good idea to invite 10% more guests than your target as statistics reveal that 10-20% of those invited will decline.

Photo credits: {barbaraweddings.wordpress.com}

For clarity and ease of reference, make two guest lists. List A will include essential family and close friends. List B will include the non-essential but nice-to-have colleagues and extended friends. To assist with categorising, ask yourself this question, ‘who is relevant in your life right now and who will probably still be relevant in 5 years from now?’

Co-workers: If you socialise with them beyond the noisy cafeteria at work, then you should probably invite them. After all, you want someone in the office to enjoy wedding chatter with.
Singles: Make it a rule that their partners will be included if they have been dating a ‘significant other’ for a year at the time the invites are sent AND you have met their partner a few times. Also note that for some of your single friends it can be more stressful for them to find a ‘plus one’, so encourage them to come alone.
Kiddies: If you decide it is a ‘nay’ then be upfront and make it clear that no under 18’s will be allowed. Most couples with children will take advantage of this as a ‘date night’ and gladly organise a baby sitter.

The seating plan is the next challenge. Do not even start this until two weeks before the wedding once you have received the RSVPs and know your final numbers. Be realistic that there will also be ‘plus one’ requests and cancellations.

Create a spread-sheet for your RSVP replies and have a column where you will indicate the relationship to Bride or Groom, for example: Bride’s Aunt, Bride’s cousin, Groom’s best friend’, Groom’s Grandparents etc. Also highlight Bride & Groom with two distinct colours. This will make it much easier when planning as if you group according to colour.

You want to make sure that all your wedding guests feel special and that they weren’t seated in any hierarchical positioning. A great solution is to disperse members of the wedding party amongst the other guests. Let both sets of parents ‘host’ their own tables, it is definitely more fun for them than being on display at an isolated main table.

There will be a fair amount of ‘musical chairs’ as you have to consider some estranged family members (no family is complete without them) you will want to seat them as far apart as possible. Other than a few older ‘fuddy duddies’, you shouldn’t get your garter in a twist. Most of your friends and younger family members will invariably be chatting up a storm after two drinks and that is when they will start to relax into enjoying the celebration of your special day.

With some good pointers and rules to apply, you and your Groom should now feel more confident that you can master these two trickiest of tasks efficiently. You are now free to enjoy the rest of the 120+ other matters on your wedding to-do-list.

Tip for the Bride-to-be: Instead of table numbers, you can be different and name the tables, for example: If you both love red wine then your tables could be named: Merlot, Pinotage, Shiraz etc.

Contact Candice* at Live Love Dream and invest in a Pre-Marriage Course to ensure your Happily Ever After... *With a Degree in Psychological Counselling, Candice Luck of Live Love Dream specialises in presenting fun, modern Pre-Marriage courses, that assists couples in building a marriage based on communication, transparency and connection.