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Friday, July 13, 2012

{Aisle Say by Candice}: Yours, mine, ours

By the time you walk down the aisle, you’re mostly comfortable with the term ‘our’: our place, our dog, our favourite restaurant, our life together etc. You’ve figured out the basic division of what’s yours, what’s his, and what you share. But...what changes and what stays the same after you become Mr & Mrs?

We’re all aware that even though the priority is placed on the ‘our’, there still needs to be a balance between these 3 possessive nouns. You still need to respect and make room for the ‘your’ and the ‘mine within your marriage.

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Yours: ‘that which belongs to you’. Your partner should be able to own some of his favoured possessions and be responsible for some individual chores and finances. Even though he becomes your husband, he still needs space to be himself.

Mine: ‘something that belongs to me’. You will also want to maintain some independence, be able to purchase some of your own items and be accountable for certain things. It’s very healthy to keep your individual identity.

Ours: ‘that belonging to us’. As a couple you create a life together where you merge your past and build a future based on a commitment to sharing everything.

It can be tricky to keep neat dividers between the 3. It’s important that once you become husband and wife you re-assess the ‘your’, ‘mine’ and ‘our’ boxes. Make sure that you’re on the same page as to what belongs to whom and where. Clarity and agreement from the beginning will avoid many future conflicts, especially when it comes to house chores and finances. Obviously you also need to remain flexible to make room for changes, as long as you discuss which ‘box’ it belongs to.

A word of caution: do not bring this possession ‘tug-of-war’ into the conflict equation. When you’re feeling in love and happy, it’s naturally ‘ours’ but then if you have an argument and go into ‘defence mode’, you automatically will want to possess, for example: ‘Get out of MY house!’

Remember, you are 2 individuals that come together to form a married unit. If you can find a healthy balance between the ‘your’, ’mine’ and ‘our’, then you are well on your way to learning what a happy marriage is all about.

Tip for the Bride-to-be: Attending a Pre-Marriage Course is very beneficial and with the support of a Coach, allows you and your partner to gain meaningful insight as to how you can achieve this balance.

Contact Candice* at Live Love Dream and invest in a Pre-Marriage Course to ensure your Happily Ever After.

*With a Degree in Psychological Counselling, Candice Luck of Live Love Dream specialises in presenting fun, modern Pre-Marriage courses, that assists couples in building a marriage based on communication, transparency and connection.

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